The biggest, toughest American soldier in the platoon in Eastern Europe limps in, badly injured.
His Captain yells, “Good Lord Corporal! What happened to you?”
“Well Captain”, he says, wiping blood from his face, “I was out on watch, and I looked across the road. And I saw this Russian soldier, real big bastard. And I looked at him, and he looked at me. So I started walking towards him, and he starting walking towards me. And we met in the middle of the road.”
“And I said to him ‘Putin is an evil, murdering, election cheating tyrant!”
“And he said to me, ‘Trump is retarded, lying, spoiled rotten little baby!”
“While we were standing there shaking hands, we got hit by a truck.”
Wait… Am I supposed to think that it’s bad that people are overcoming major hurdles in life to be successful?
No, you’re supposed to think it’s bad that cases of underprivileged people being forced to push themselves to extremely unhealthy extents due to the constraints of this terrible society are being celebrated and used against other underprivileged people as an excuse to call them lazy.
THATS NOT EFFICIENCY THATS THE OPPOSITE
There’s a certification called “Six Sigma” that certifies you to be able to go into any field with the knowledge and ability to increase productivity and efficiency, and NO ONE LISTENS TO THEM ANYMORE
Here’s a picture of a section that blew me away as I was not expecting for this to be explicitly said:
Money is a DEMOTIVATOR! The more your workers are worried about money the less productive they are. It’s been studied for year after year. ALL of these things are obvious, but rarely implemented.
If anyone is curious as to how Motorola survived the recession that hit us after Bush?
BY NOT REDUCING PAY, AND CONTINUING TO TREAT THEIR EMPLOYEES A CERTAIN WAY
Even though their financial advisors said they would lose millions of dollars for the next quarters, the CEO refused and pretty much said “I don’t care what we lose at this very second, or the next year. You’re trying to save the company 2 million dollars, and that’s nothing. We’d make that back quickly. But by continuing with the plan we’ve been doing, this company will still exist in 10 years. If not it won’t. I’m not cutting pay, or vacation time.” And it worked.
Capitalism has been fed to us for years through propaganda and misinformation and this is why we are where we are.
On a scale of “is occasionally forced to bathe” to “Instagram model with sponsors to hoe for” how involved is your OC’s Skincare routine?
What are your OC’s food preferences (flavors/textures/spiciness/calories/ when and how they eat) and how did they get that way?
What’s something pointless/petty/unimportant that IRRATIONALLY ANNOYS THE HELL out of your OC?
What’s your OC’s response to being asked for money by a homeless person?
Does your OC get lost easily? What do they do when they do get lost?
What would STOP your OC from Doing The Right Thing in a tense situation?
Realistically, could your OC (in their normal circumstances- i.e. at thier own house/battlecamp/spaceship etc.) keep a small child alive for a week if they had to? A Dog? A Houseplant? A rock with a smiley face painted on?
If your OC had to take the S.A.T. tomorrow with one night to prep, how would they do? both emotionally and academically.
What would cause your OC to chose to do something petty/pointlessly cruel?
On a scale of “Complete and Justified nervous breakdown” to “Conquer The Entire Galaxy and become an Immortal God-Emperor”, how well would your OC handle being abducted by Aliens?
What song is 100% garunteed to get your OC beyond turnt and will be sung loudly and emabarrasingly, either in public or the shower?
What perfectly-normal-to-them-thing does your OC do that confuses/pisses off/terrifies thier neighbors?
Under what circumstances would your OC appear naked in public?
What thing did your OC’s parents do that your OC wishes they had a better explanation for?
How often does your OC “zone out” or do things on autopilot and how severe have the problems that have arisen from that been?
How strong or weak is your OC’s Impulse control? What’s the worst thing that happened becuase of thier Impulsivity or inability to be so?
How does your OC sabotage themselves?
What’s the trashiest item in your OC’s wardrobe, when was the last time they wore it and why do they still have it?
How Dehydrated is your OC right now? Are they going to fix this?
What’s your OC smell like? no, not that “Vanilla and Anxiety” evocative stuff, realistically. Body odor? what have they been touching all day? When was thier last shower? Did they put on any kind of artificial scent?
Shout out to my Arabic teacher that looked at us yesterday mid-lesson and said, “I’m worried. You all look exhausted and depressed.”
Of we were all like, “Oh yeah we’re dead inside, you haven’t noticed?”
And he snapped shut the textbook, threw up his hands and said, “That’s not healthy! No more vocab! Time for dancing!”
And he taught us a dance from Iraq and we danced instead of doing vocab. We didn’t stop dancing until he saw all of us laughing and was satisfied that we were all feeling better. It was perhaps the coolest, most kind-hearted thing I’ve ever seen a college instructor do.
To all the new fans who didn’t read the book or listened to the audio drama: Crowley is NOT cool, I repeat, the demon Crowley is absolutely not cool. And Aziraphale is an asshole.
David Tennant when asked which of his characters of the past resemble Crowley: “The only character, I think, is Peter Vincent in the movie Fright Night. He’s a bit rock-n-roll and he thinks he’s really cool, but actually, he is not cool at all. He is rather soft and rather sweet underneath a very swaggery exterior. So there are elements of that to Crowley.” (NYCC)
to clear up misconceptions about Crowley being cool:
Crowley once heard that you can make plants grow better by talking to them. So he decided to put this into practice. Once a month he looks around his apartment and selects the most weedy and underperforming plant, then carries it around to show all the other plants while talking aloud very menacingly about what a shame it was that this one couldn’t make the cut, then leave and close the door very ominously behind him.
All of Crowley’s plants grow fantastically well because they are the most terrified plants in London. But I would genuinely ask you to consider the vision of David Tennant, wearing those glasses, walking around an apartment holding a potted plant while making Godfather-style pronouncements to other plants, before making any decisions about Crowley being cool.
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