So apparently my sister has had a fake girlfriend for the last like two years
Thanks for asking.
So the other night I’m sitting in bed studying or watching Netflix or just being a lazy bum cause I was sick, I don’t remember exactly, but Sam comes in and joins me in my bed.
“Kee,” she says eventually. “I need to tell you something cause it’s gonna come up at the karate party, and I need you to know so you don’t act weird.”
And I’m like “Okay? Why is something coming up at the karate party? Why do you think I’m going to act weird? Why does this matter? You’re not even in karate.”
And she’s like “Yeah, but Eliza is.”
So I’m trying to figure out what the heck she’s talking about and I’m like “So? What do you think we do at karate parties? Tell our best friends’ deep dark secrets?”
And she laughs and is like “No, but I’m gonna be there as Eliza’s plus one.”
And I’m like “What? We didn’t get a plus one. What are you talking about?”
And she’s like “Yeah, but you’re allowed to bring your significant other and your kids if you have them, right? I’m coming as Eliza’s significant other.”
So of course I’m like “What? Since when are you and Eliza dating?”
And she rolls her eyes and is like “We’re not. It’s fake.”
So from what I got, this is the gist of their “relationship”:
Once upon a time in grade 12, Sam and Eliza figured out a way to scam the system of conditional plus ones on invitations. If you pretended to be dating, you could bring your best friend to anything that significant others were allowed to come to.
They’ve never kissed or done anything more than hold hands and refer to each other as “my girlfriend” on their dating adventures, and their “dates” are limited to parties where the chances of someone who knows they aren’t actually dating are low. Apparently they’ve got a lock down on being each other’s plus ones to weddings, at whatever point they start getting invited to weddings that aren’t just them tagging along with their parents and weddings are super fun so they want to maximize the number of weddings they get to go to.
Their “anniversary” is around Halloween, since the first time thy tried their loophole was for a Halloween party for some club that Eliza was in.
So yeah. I guess last year while Eliza was at uni with me and Sam was in a college in our hometown, there were quite a few times that Sam drove down and stayed at Eliza’s dorm for the weekend just because there was some party or event or whatever that Eliza was allowed to bring a significant other to and “Kee, it’s ridiculous. Why wouldn’t you bring an extra person if you’re allowed to? It’s like they’re just begging people to find this loophole. We’re basically geniuses. We get like twice as much free food.”
Apparently the only reason I haven’t been told until now is because Sam thought I’d judge her or make it into a big deal or something, and there really wasn’t any reason to tell me because there hadn’t been a situation where I’d also be there.
Until the karate party.
Because Eliza’s in my dojo and I was also going to be at the karate party.
So I had to swear on my eventual degree that I was not going to tell our parents or anyone else because “this is top secret, Kee. It’s need to know only, and Mom definitely does not need to know” and to be chill about it at the karate party.
“So,” Sam asks, leaning back against my pillows. “Who’re you bringing to the karate party.”
“No one. I’m not dating anyone.”
“Lame. You should get a fake relationship. They’re great.”
So anyway their “dating” at the karate party was basically the same as their regular relationship. They sat next to each other. They shared food from each other’s plates. It was pretty funny watching them field questions about their relationship though.
“So how long have you known each other?” “Oh, since kindergarten.” “That’s so cute.” “I know. We were both pretty cute when we were kids. I don’t know what happened to Eliza.” “Please. I’m still adorable, and you know it.”
There’s this one dude in the dojo who’s been in a bunch of classes with Eliza and they’re friends outside of karate too and he shows up late to the party and is all “Sam! It’s great to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!” Because apparently Eliza’s told him about her “girlfriend”? According to her, he doesn’t know it’s fake, and I’m kind of confused and Sam also looked kind of shocked that he expected her to be there so idk what’s going on there.
But yeah. That’s the story of my sister and her fake girlfriend. I’m sure they’ve got some funny fake-date stories but I don’t know them yet.
A couple other things:
Sam and Eliza have been best friends since kindergarten and Eliza’s family lives just up the road from mine back home, so Eliza is basically another little sister to me
I don’t actually know either of their sexualities. I’ve never actually seen Sam when she’s got a crush or is into someone and we were never really into fawning over celebrities or anything growing up, so I don’t know who she’s into. I do know she’s never been on an actual date outside of her fake dates with Eliza and that she hasn’t had her first kiss yet.
And, considering I don’t know my sister’s sexuality, I feel like it’d be a little odd to know Eliza’s since, as far as I know, she also hasn’t actually non-fake dated anyone either. Factoring in the group of kids they went through high school with, I’m really not surprised about any of this. There really weren’t any good dating candidates there.
That all being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if either of them were bi or day or anything, or if this was just them failing at transitioning from friends to more. They would honestly be a cute couple if they were into girls and wanted to date each other. So I approve, if that’s the direction this ends up heading.
People from the events they’ve gone to as dates keep asking about them and they’ve been keeping up the charade whenever they run into these people or otherwise talk to them (why it wouldn’t be easier to just be like “oh we broke up actually” I don’t know but I had to swear I wouldn’t judge so this is just me stating facts and not judging lol) so apparently they’re going to have a photo shoot in a pumpkin patch for their two year anniversary??? so they can send these people pictures??? and I think as apparently the only person in on this secret I’m pretty sure I’m going to be roped into being the photographer??? which all could be seen as a little extra, but I’m not allowed to judge.
Honestly this whole thing is ridiculous but I’m legally not allowed to judge but I never swore against waiting for the inevitable moment when this is going to blow up in their faces hilariously
Life, once again, succeeding at being both less dramatic and much weirder than fanfic.
One of these days, they’re going to end up getting fake-married, just to keep up the charade, and so that they can go on a fake honeymoon together, and I really want an update when that happens.
I mean tbh it’s quite possible haha. My sister keeps complaining that our cousin is taking too long to have her wedding because she really wants to go to a wedding and why don’t we ever get invited to weddings? So that plus the amount of free gifts you get from getting married could theoretically make this the next step in their plan haha. Or at least fake engaged so they can have wedding showers and then call off the wedding and never return the gifts haha
Please report back in like 1-5 years depending on how bad this slow burn is
my god this is better than any fake dating fanfic i’ve read so far
Just some impressions from the making of Fury Road to remind you that they used as less CGI as possible. Thank you George ♥
George Miller the realest person you’re ever gonna meet.
are you fucking kidding me that was two straight hours of ACTUAL EXPLOSIONS
The best part is that, from my understanding, there were quite a few scenes where George Miller said “No this is too dangerous we’ll do this in post” and the rest of the crew was like “NO LETS DO IT NOW WE CAN DO IT”
are you telling me this was fucking cirque du soleil in the desert with fucking explosions
Tom Hardy described it as slipknot meets cirque du soleil
Today I found out that yarners think crocheting socks is subversive and controversial and I just…on one hand, why the fuck not, I guess yarners are allowed to have their controversies, but on the other, how much time do you have in your FUCKIN DAY??
My main concern is how they would feel but Maggie u know yarn fandom gotta think about something while knitting five miles of stockingnette for a sweater
Look, you can’t just leave it at that, why is it subversive and controversial? *gets popcorn*
I mean, I’m taking this on good faith, and I’m not saying this is my own personal belief. I believe in all crafts.
But…the structure of the stitches and the resulting fabric is pretty different between crochet and knitting. You get different effects between them, which lends themselves to different crafts. And none of the effects of (most) crochet stitches lend themselves naturally to socks. You’re (usually) going to end up with something either stiff and bulky, or full of holes that will Not Feel Good to walk on. Whereas knitted socks will just…BE elastic and comfortable.
Sure you CAN do it. And there are people and patterns that do it well!!
But MOST crochet socks are a bit like calling this a bicycle
I mean… Okay? But people are going to Talk.
But this is BABY controversy, this is nothing. You haven’t even touched on the good shit like RHSS or that time the Olympic Committee dissed us.
Iiiinteresting. So one of those “just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD” things.
Also I know very little about the yarn fandom except for that bit where a woman had to fake her death and had a nervous breakdown over selling homespun/dyed yarn so like, I already have big expectations.
Was that the one that “died” of leukemia or the one that “died” of lupus, or the one that overdosed?
From what I know of the narrative as it was described to me, I want to say the one that overdosed, but I am intrigued and vaguely concerned that there are multiple distinct individuals the above situation could apply to.
hey umm, what the fuck
the fake deaths thing: indie yarn dyer gets popular, gets overwhelmed by orders, can’t refund money because of shitty bookkeeping, decides faking online death is the only way out.
i’m sure some of them are unintentional rather than premeditated scammers but they’re all still thieving assholes who shouldn’t be running businesses and need to give all the money back.
the olympics commitee: ravelry, well-known knitting (fiber arts in general) site, held a contest they called the ‘ravelympics’ to drum up olympic support then get a cease-and-desist letter for copyright infringement, and the letter said that calling it that ‘denigrates the true nature of the Olympic Games’ and was ‘disrespectful to our country’s finest athletes’
except, you know, ravelry had like 2 million users who all, by nature of ravelry being a website, have basic tech literacy. the social media backlash was so bad that the olympics board had to make 2 official apologies because the first wasn’t good enough.
RHSS: Red Heart Super Saver is cheap Walmart-level yarn. some people hate it because it used to be just really fucking awful and they haven’t bothered updating their opinions. some people hate it because they hate non-natural yarns. some people hate it because they’re yarn snobs(which, btw, comes in two flavors: the disdainful assholes and the people who just don’t see the point if you have the money and don’t indulge yourself). a lot of people defend it because it’s cheap and widely locally available and honestly not that bad after a wash and some fabric softener.
crocheted socks: exactly what kaitoukitty said. people who crochet socks tend to either be new crocheters who are not aware crochet is not the best medium for socks or experienced crocheters who are pushing the boundaries of the medium.
babies on fire: i can’t believe we’re talking about yarncraft controversies and no one mentioned babies on fire. that’s my favorite controversy.
so when deciding what material to make baby blankets out of, in addition to considerations like softness, ease of washing, and allergy concerns quite a lot of people like to consider what would happen to the baby if the blanket was set on fire. yes, really.
wool has the problem of hand-wash only blankets for a new mother (superwash wool exists but that’s a whole ‘nother paragraph), allergy concerns, and also
real fucking expensive if you want quality not-itchy-on-baby-skin wool. but pro-wool-blanket people insist that because wool actually resists being set on fire pretty well and also can self-extinguish, it’s the only sensible choice.
acrylic on the other hand is cheap and you can throw it in the washing machine, and while bad quality acrylics might be stiff and plastic-y they’re not itchy, but if it gets set on fire it will melt onto the baby’s skin. pro-acrylic people insist that if your blanket is on fire, you probably have bigger problems than what the blanket is made of.
wow I didn’t expect such a detailed response. thank you!
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