I forgot how utterly hilarious it was to watch someone play the Naruto video game and now I have a slew of quotes that just sound like things overheard at a Konoha bar, if you want to hear them.
“This is gonna work eventually damnit!”
“You are a bitch ninja and I am a superior bitch ninja.”
“Oh that doesn’t look healthy. For either of us.”
“Just let me set you on fire!”
“I’m not touching you, i’m not touching y-aCK.”
“By the power of my legwarmers I will kick the shit out of you.”
“Oh no the only thing I’m vulnerable to, actual martial arts.”
“No no, I have to fuck you up. Cause you played that bullshit with Minato, so you’re going to pay.”
“Is that a girl? No way. The Uchiha are all extremely girly men”
“Doesn’t this happen to Kakashi like, all the time?”
“‘There is no way to fight this genjutsu’ It’s called my fist to yo face style!”
“All the best floor routines involve deadly force!”
“And Hatake takes the gold!”
“What’s it feel like to get reamed by a demon?” “Gee idk I wish I could tell you but I sure haven’t experienced it four times today.”
Tonight at the gym a man who looked like fuckin Thor asked me out and when I told him I was a lesbian he goes “oh. Chill. You know, my sister and I work out a lot together. She’ll be here tomorrow, same time.”
so we have these cookie jars that sit on top of the cupboard right. we’ve had them for years. you can record yourself saying something so when you take the lid off you it will make a noise so you can hear if someone is stealing your cookies or something anyway anyway we have 3 of them. a pig, a cow, and an owl. now i was left alone one day. mum and dad at work, my brother at school and my sister at her boyfriends house. so i had a thought. what if i recorded myself screaming? so i did. in all 3 of them. all 3 different screams too. one was an excited shriek, one was a terrified scream, and one was a long shout. these cookie jars recorded up to 15 seconds, so i took FULL ADVANTAGE of that. now…here’s the thing…i did that almost 3 years ago. and these cookie jars have been sitting on top of the cupboard collecting dust.
until today.
mum’s painting the kitchen, so she had to take everything off the top of the cupboard. and uh…you know how battery powered things…start dying? they……slowly run out of juice? she asked me to check inside one of the jars. the pig, to be exact. and…the pig was the terrified scream. i unsuspectingly opened the jar and as the lid came off the jar, i remembered what i did. but i didn’t remember in time, because in that next second, a fucking demon cry sounded from this Almost Dead Battery Powered Pig Cookie Jar. it was a sound i never want to hear again. everyone ran into the kitchen to see what that god awful sound was and i just stood there, holding this satanic wailing pig. i shut my eyes, and waited the full 15 seconds, until it was silent, before turning to my mum and handed her the pig, and then leaving the kitchen.
i’ll admit i’ve done some dumb things in my life, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the sound i heard today.
just found out that the fourth great ninja war lasted literally 3 days. THREE days. 300 fucking episodes for a war that lasted three days. dont talk to me. i feel so betrayed
The next two Avatars, from water and earth, live without ever knowing who they are.
Zuko still spoke out at the meeting, he still refused to fight his father in the Agni Kai.
Zuko was banished, and in his search to find the Avatar, earth bends.
He is the Avatar and doesn’t know what to do about it.
Okay but consider:
Zuko, punching the air: “I MUST FIND THE AVATAR!”
*rock goes flying*
Zuko, waving his arms for emphasis: “IT IS THE ONLY WAY”
*strong wind knocks over grunt in the background*
Zuko, stomping dramatically: “TO RESTORE MY HONOR!”
*deck behind zuko becomes covered in ice*
Iroh, stroking his beard: “…. hmmmmmm…”
And Iroh just decides to mess with him and just goes “Well, I suppose we should start searching” and Zuko doesn’t find out until later in the episode
Nah man, gimme a whole season of Zuko and Iroh’s hijinks as they search for the avatar and it’s Zuko the whole time. A whole season of Iroh waffling between goofy uncle and “here let me teach you about balance-” “I DON”T NEED BALANCE I NEED TO RESTORE MY HONOUR” “okay cool you do you kid i bet the avatar’s behind that rock please move it for me”
zuko saying he needs to find the avatar, when actually, he just needs to find himself is his original story arc
Ah, but you’re not thinking the two of them got exiled on their own from the Fire Nation, did you?
Prince Iroh and exiled Prince Zuko left with a contingent of sailors and military men. Said military personnel realize what is happening three days into their trip.
When wacky spirit shenanigans happen and Zuko solves it without knowing, the military lieutenant look at the commander like he’s in the office.
When Admiral Zhao takes Zuko’s ship and all his crew, and questions them, all of the crew say the same thing:
“No, Prince Zuko hasn’t found the Avatar yet.”
They say this with varying ability to keep a straight face. There’s one of them who just breaks down in helpless giggles.
“Nope,” he gets out between the giggles. “Not found. Definitely not found.”
Admiral Zhao’s men come to the conclusion that Zuko’s crew have cracked under the stress of being away from the Fire Nation so long, and especially on a mission that pretty much the whole Nation “knows” is impossible.
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